Almost one year and 4 blog entries later , I am still where I started that fateful day in June 2009. I can't say too many exciting things have happened I mean I'm still single, still fat (the word alone is cringe worthy), still work at a cest pool of what is called an office, no not much has changed.
If I can go back to the cest pool, I mean the office where I work, I must say that I have never been exposed to such debauchery, greed and disgustingness. I know there is good and evil, but my god man I have never seen a more sick malicious bunch of assholes in my life. Maybe it's my guilt, it is my guilt because I know too much I feel like I have to confess. You see, there are two owners and a third party, an employee what have you , your run of the mill bullshit talker. Well Boss B brought in the bullshitter and 2 yrs later the bullshitter is now plotting against Boss B with Boss A, am I coming in clear? because really , all this Boss A , Boss B , bullshitter bullshit is making me dizzy. So me being the naive 30-something girl that I am, I feel so guilty that I can't do a damn thing, not a thing. I know what you're thinking, I should say something, I should grab Boss B and say "wake up man, they're screwing you over!", I know trust me I want to, I can't though. You don't know what these sorry sacs of shit called men are capable of. THEY ARE THE EMBODIMENT OF EVIL. scary stuff huh. I have contemplated calling Boss B from a payphone and using one of those voice synthesizers, but he'd probably get a kick out of it, not funny I know. I had a good cry last night thinking about this. Apparently I'm like that chick from X-men that can feel people's pain. Is anyone else like this? I would like to think I have some cool superhero power, but then again it's not really all that cool, not like I can walk through walls or anything.
Okay, so I've been contemplating moving, god how I have been contemplating this. My destiny is in London. I've always known it, but never voiced it until now. I just read Kelly Cutrone's book "If you have to cry go outside", fantastic read, I finished it in 3 days. The reason I bring this up is, when she was watching MTV when it first came out, she knew in her gut she was meant to be in NYC, and she was right. She hadn't even been to NYC but she just knew. That's the same feeling I have but I feel silly voicing it. I'm not surrounding by dreamers, I'm surrounded by analytical realists who reason for a living. Oh my god, I can only imagine what they would say "Move to London, yeaaah ok, call me at 7:30pm to play Jeopardy" . Sad ain't it.
Maybe it's because I'm turning 31 and I'm seeing my life flash before my eyes and I've realized I have spent, no , that I did spend all my 20's hiding. Hiding from what? because I'm slightly overweight..what the FUCK! I'm turning 31 and I feel like 40 is around the corner and I don't know what I want to do career wise, I don't feel capable of anything more than a note taker, I don't have a stable group of friends, I live with my mother and my cat..oi vey.
I've given myself two years for the London move, I think it's reasonable. Time to research and act, sounds like a plan huh.
Well kiddies, I think that's enough confessions for now. Signing off.
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