Realizations

It's Saturday night and I'm home. That's pretty much it, actually that's been my life for quite some time now. Not sure where the time went, it went by so fast. I'm not a recluse , or agoraphobic by any means, although sometimes I wonder. I wonder what it was , the trigger that set it off. I turned 30 recently and it feels as if I wasted my 20's, and now I'm trying to catch up , knowing very well that I can't. The past came and went in a blink of an eye. I've had an epiphany of sorts, either that or I finally got some sense knocked into me. I used to call them epiphany sundays. I'd sit there pondering what it really is I'm doing with life, what it is I really want to do wishing I didn't have to go into work the following day. I now refer to this as sunday night anxiety. Like most people I don't feel I'm using my potential , my full potential. Is it possible some people just don't have it? I have to believe that's not true, otherwise I'm doomed to a life of routine with no excitement as it generally has been the past few years. Wake up , go to work, come home, go to sleep (x's 5 days). On the weekends it's a little different, really all it is is take out the work part. This is starting to sound like a major debbie downer ::bwaa bwaa:: would that be the sound effect? Just make sure to tilt your head to the side when saying ::bwaa bwaa:: . So many things out there to do, shouldn't I just go out there and take hold of everything? Live life to the fullest! they say. Yeah , I'm much more comfortable watching life from my chair. So much for my realizations. My friend once said, if you don't like something fix it. Wise words. I need fixing, too bad there are no maintenance men to fix flawed humans. Now that would be a money making business. "Yes, hello I need someone to come over I'm just feeling a little down today, my pants are too tight, can you help". Hmm, sounds more like a pick-up line. This has become a very depressing post, didn't mean it to be. I am thankful for many things, and am grateful for the opportunities that have come my way, but something's missing.